Archive for the ‘True Life Experiences’ Category

A Factor

The words of truth and knowing the facts are very important to me

When you deceive me you also blemish yourself because in retrospect you lose me.

Can I be a Witness?

Sometimes I believe that there are forces out there, geared to pull us in the wrong direction because of the good and evil that we have in us and around us in this world.  It is a constant battle to stay focused and do well. We want to always do good but sometimes we fall short and then things tend to happen. We always have help we just have to sincerely shout out, talk or pray to God about our troubles or misfortunes. HE will always be there for us.

I am ashamed to say that in the past I forgot to call out to God at times because I was wrapped up in my man, my mess or our messes. I also let someone misdirect me and poison me with unrighteousness so I could only please him or be able to keep peace among us for more than a day.  I had asked and pray to the LORD for forgiveness for my sins and my actions. I know that the Lord knows my heart and me as a person. I had to learn the hard way that FAITH is BIG and it MATTERS in ones lives. We will always be loved because we are all of God’s children. You can never be too late, to proud or ashamed to turn to the Lord. He is a patient and loving God.

Sometimes I do believe that we can also be a witness to and for others. All we need is God in our lives on a daily basis (acknowledge HIM and move on). “Wrong with not stay with you or torment you (you may have remembrance but you want have the drama or the grief) if you have faith, believe and communicate with God. I am living proof of these words and actions.

You take a step and I’ll follow

You can get joy from someone; just as you can give joy to someone. We all need to love…

“I want to go to Heaven”

I want to go to Heaven by doing the right things.  So It doesn’t hurt to reach out and help out folks from time to time.

It could be a patron on the street asking for change – give him $2.00

It could be a friend asking for help – honor their request even  if the situation seems unstable

It could be a worker serving you your food-  give her a good tip for her hard work and services

It could be a co-worker spreading useless verbiage on you for a laugh or to- let them carry on with their emptiness and pray for their well-being

I must be the better person and I must remember the burdens that was lifted from me

You see I can never repay, repair or take on what challenges and sacrifices that

Jesus Christ did for me… Hallelujah!

I understand what a good woman is going through 110% (when times are bad)

Refrain: “YOU use to do some crazy and deadly things back in the day and I was sick and tired, frustrated, mad, jealous, vindictive, scared, love-stricken and compelled to walk away and I wanted to kill you, it felt like I was falling from grace at those times”.


Just when you think that things are finely getting back to normal or the broken puzzle pieces had been salvaged to complete the puzzle, wrath comes in like abominable storms and replaces calmness, peace, contentment and normal criteria with total chaos and grief. We love and hold on to our men hard and strong with the life of our owns that we have  put them in, given to them, willed to them, in trusted to them, while forcefully giving into them, soon comes aches with despair and disbelief when they turn around and do things such as stupid acts or selfish nonsense for their greater good.

It causes us (women) to mend the pieces time after time after time, until there aren’t any bricks left, bandages left, patience left, caring left, reasoning left, pain left, guilt left or openness left.

We become numb, we loose those loving feelings, we no longer see those wonderful boyish-men attractions that brought us to you in the first place, we began to see the hurt and fighting backed up by all the evil that daily dangles around our face, mind and summons our body to want for others. We continue to melt down until there is nothing there but the existence of saying that I am alive, married to him and that I want more out of my marriage and my life.  We then come to the conclusion that we wan to hurt (or kill), want out (divorce), want to just pick up and leave( loose everything), while  delusional thinking  limits us to  realizing that things will never be the same ever again (we have failed, love is gone, I am not good enough,and I brought this evil on all by myself).

I had lost the real man that I so treasured and loved so deeply inside and at that moment the real woman in me took the biggest risk of her life; no longer am I gonna be the other women or the forgotten women you see  I have become the women who no  longer cares.  We then talk about our spouses foully and degradable and in the process unbeknown to ourselves we are trashing ourselves as well! Some of us find sanity in other men arms and other women arms, while some of us never recover. It’s not that we can’t seek help and nurture ourselves back to health we have no desire to try again or even give ourselves the chance because we tried once and failed majorly and the GUILT and SHAME eats us alive that causes us to fade to exist outside of being a woman beat down. Not to mention we loose our faith and we are constantly mad at the Lord for what we believe to be punishment for things that we did not do or get to have because of…  Little do we know that we are just hurting ourselves because I now know that the Lord has all the time and patience in the world for us (women) to get ourselves together to ask HIM for forgiveness. Then we allow all of the evil to transpire into our already chaotic arena. From there we have to decide to stay in the chaos or do the break-down thing to find and allow ourselves with a brand new pardon of trust followed by the same faith (you see we only need a mustard seed of faith; we just need to learn how to re-direct the power and the joy we already have) to re-write our destines.

I loved myself and I needed to make the rightful change for more reasons then one. You see I had someone else who was counting on me for a finer chance at a descent life and I owned that to him and I owned that to myself as well. You see my mother didn’t raise no fool… Thank you LORD for your patience, understanding, forgiveness, love and mercy!!!!!!  I’m still here today and I feel that I am a better grounded person and I still have a lot to offer and be joyous about, you see I still fought the right way and I won (you see the recovery process was like I was in rehab recoveries from dramatic surgeries and my mind and body had to heal but I had God on my side all the way).